help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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