You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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