i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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