who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize