yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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