I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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