ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize