even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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