Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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