It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
