if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
