Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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