This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
