She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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