We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
