if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
