Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize