This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
