we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
