Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
