so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize