Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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