im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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