Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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