the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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