You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
