Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
