you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i drank out of a bidet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
