Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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