I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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