It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize