Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
