I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
