it hurts more in the daytime
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
