the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
