maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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