so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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