Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
