tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
