plz talk dirty to me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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