when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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