So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
