take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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