I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
