If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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