Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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