this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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