He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Houston, we have a blender
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
