tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
