I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
