life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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