O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Randomize
