is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
