Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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