Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
