Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
