I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
