Someone shit on the floor
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
