How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
