I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
