"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
