I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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