The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
