i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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