How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize