The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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