Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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