so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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