I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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