Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
