I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
