She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
