There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
