don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
